Little Earthquakes

Brian is in France for work. We got into a pretty nasty fight on Thursday. It happened in the morning before he left for work and it was in front of Madeline which is something I have always tried not to do. She was so upset. Brian threw his wallet at the wall in anger and she was yelling at him to stop and then I hit the top of the hamper with my hand and he flew at me and ripped it out of my hands and tossed it in the entry way. Madeline ran out of the room and started crying. We still have some things to talk about when he gets back. We were unable to finish talking because his parents came and stayed with us Thursday night.

If I had money or a job, I would probably leave him right now. And he knows it. I want us to be happy enough so that we can raise our kids together. Really, I want things to work out, but every day that passes and every bad cycle we go through, I lose more and more hope that it will.

I applied for a job in Portland and also started looking at graduate programs there. I also search and apply for all kinds of jobs in Pittsburgh. Nothing has come of it so far.

Anyway, I took the girls to Idlewild with my mom, aunt, uncle and cousins. It was hot and Madeline was in a weird mood. She had so much fun there last summer but she wasn't enjoying it so much this time. She got scared on two rides and that pretty much ended the riding for her.

Lillian had a great time in the hot weather watching everything that was going on. She was actually a really good baby today.

I took the girls to the zoo on Friday with Brian's mom and his sister in law. That was a lot of fun. It is so much easier to go to the zoo with other adults to help with the kids.

I met a woman that owns a florist/gift shop and she is going to display my jewelry. She wants things now so I told her I would get it to her by the end of the week. I have been working the last two nights to make things to display in her store. Her shop is really nice and I am very excited about it!

I just got season two and season three of The Office so I think I am going to watch a few episodes, make some jewelry and relax before I head to bed.

I dislike sleeping here by myself with the girls. I am still afraid of the dark.