my unstoppable thoughts

Being reconnected with things or people from my past always sends my mind reeling into thoughts that I most likely do not want to think about.
I like to keep my feelings and dreams buried to where I can't access them. Brushing up with the past opens the way for those things to come right up and take over my head. I re-evaluate my life and realize that I am not where I want to be. I didn't do what I wanted to do. I will never be who I wanted to be.
I think about things I missed out on and things I never did. I start to feel claustrophobic and feel as if I might suffocate in the current life I have made for myself.
These are the times when I feel as if I spend the rest of my life in this city I might cry. These are the times when I wonder what I did wrong to end up like this.
I sit and I stare at nothing. I listen to music with lyrics that seem to hit the core of my existence. I want to run away, keep driving until I find somewhere knew.
It is so difficult to snap myself out of this spiral of memories and disappointment. But I have to, because my two beautiful little girls are upstairs waiting for their mommy to come to bed and wake up happy.