Vanilla Lace

I am trying to catch up on all of the things I have neglected over the last month or so. It is quite a task. Things have been changing rapidly around here. Or maybe it is me that has mostly been doing the changing.

I have rediscovered myself with some significant help. I thought for the longest time that the biggest part of me was gone forever, I attributed this to having children. I was so very wrong. Of course, I have changed tremendously because of my girls but the core of me is still there, it was just pushed down so far because it was not desired.

So, I have learned that there can be a balance of being a good mother and also being myself. In fact, I am a better mother when I am happy. I have started to see live music again and care about what I look like and all it took was someone that is interested in me, all of me, the mother part included. I realized that my situation does not have to be permanent, I do not have to spend the rest of my life in a stale form. I am not stuck, I can make changes, I can make my life better.

My girls are obviously my first priority and the most important part of my life and that will never change but I am starting to find my voice again. I will provide the most loving and happy home for Madeline and Lillian. I will make sure they grow up with a strong, healthy and balanced mother. I will make sure they have everything they need.

I am not your slave. I am not here for you to fuck when you want. I am not here to clean up after you and make you dinner. I am not here so that you can toss me when you don't want me. I am not to blame for your unhappiness and your unbearable life is not my fault. I will not be second to money and I will not be treated as if I am not important.

I will not put up with it anymore. You had your chance and I gave you everything I had. Unfortunately, it seems, I only gave you my heart and my love, my emotions, my kindness, not a million dollars, which is what you really wanted.

Someone told me it is about balance. I am beginning to think they were very right.